It was my boyfriends eighteenth birthday yesterday.
I couldn't be there.
My package for him didn't even arrive on time.
It's a gut wrenching feeling, missing out on such important events. I'm only ever behind a screen for him.
A feeling of helplessness engulfs you. You can't celebrate an important day in his life, not properly, anyway. The little piece of me I sent didn't even get there yet, which is incredibly infuriating.
He doesn't care for celebrating birthdays much, and nor do I, but not even being able to give him a hug on a significant day hurts.
I know we've been apart for birthdays before. I know I'm going to miss his graduation, which kills me. I'll still be in school by that time, due to how our final exams work out, but I'll miss a celebration that won't come again.
There's so many articles on how to cope with LDRs. Send them this, send them that, do this, say that.
But when you miss important milestones in your loved ones life, these things are rendered useless.
At the end of the day, an LDR will hurt. The person you're waiting for and an end date is the only things that will get you through.
Dear Becky; A new series I intend to continue. Becky is a big part of my life. Becky is my anxiety. If you have read my previous blog posts, you will know that naming my anxiety has given me great control and power, but Becky is still alive and can be strong. I find great comfort in writing things down. It helps me to think rationally, something Becky fights hard to prevent. Dear Becky will be my writing to Becky, to counteract the anxiety that she's called me. I will write to see what is real and what is Becky fuelled. Will you find it interesting? Maybe not. Unless you're interested in a mind corrupted with anxiety. I know my mental health is the most important thing, and if it helps me cope with life, then that's amazing. If someone reads this, and learns how to deal with their own mental illness or learns how to understand someone in their life with a mental illness, then even better. Dear Becky, You were strong today. I don't know why. But I didn't let ...
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