Skip to main content

LDR - Birthdays

It was my boyfriends eighteenth birthday yesterday.
I couldn't be there.
My package for him didn't even arrive on time.
It's a gut wrenching feeling, missing out on such important events. I'm only ever behind a screen for him.
A feeling of helplessness engulfs you. You can't celebrate an important day in his life, not properly, anyway. The little piece of me I sent didn't even get there yet, which is incredibly infuriating.
He doesn't care for celebrating birthdays much, and nor do I, but not even being able to give him a hug on a significant day hurts.
I know we've been apart for birthdays before. I know I'm going to miss his graduation, which kills me. I'll still be in school by that time, due to how our final exams work out, but I'll miss a celebration that won't come again.
There's so many articles on how to cope with LDRs. Send them this, send them that, do this, say that.
But when you miss important milestones in your loved ones life, these things are rendered useless.
At the end of the day, an LDR will hurt. The person you're waiting for and an end date is the only things that will get you through.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Unusual Coping Method

If you've read recent blog posts, you'll know I've recently finished my Leaving Cert (hence the erratic upload schedule). During it, I was surprising calm, and only cried over two exams. History failed me, unfortunately. But, I couldn't understand why I was so calm. Why wasn't Becky rearing her ugly head? When I thought about it, I realised something strange. All the exams I had done were a blur. I felt like I hadn't even done them. When I came out of an exam and was asked a question about the paper, I blanked. I just didn't remember. I was forgetting a lot of things in day to day life, and feeling numb. That's when I realised what I was doing, I wasn't being present. Feeling as if you're not present is a major symptom of anxiety, so I suppose it has become an unintentional coping method for me. I'd look in the mirror and think, Wow, I'm actually that person. That reflection is me! It's really hard to explain what this feeli
Post a Comment
Read more

Cycle Against Suicide

An organisation set up by Jim Breen, where thousands of people cycle through Ireland every year, to break the cycle of suicide. Cleverly placed pun. Today, the lovely Mr Breen came to my school and talked to all seven hundred plus of us. In the back, wearing a disgustingly bright orange shirt in support (and feeling decidedly Dutch), I was struggling not to cry. Not that he was being morbid. He didn't delve into details of his depression, or any gruesome details of suicide. He spoke in such a way that was amazing. He spoke to us in a way that reached all levels of understanding in relation to mental health. He was able to educate those who have never experienced a mental monster, without boring them, or frightening them off the topic. Though, even with such sensitivity, he was able to touch those who had suffered mental illness. It was like a little nod to us. We knew we were understood, that he understood. For me, that is always extremely emotional. For someone to understa
Post a Comment
Read more

Feeling Anxious

Having anxiety, I regularly tend to feel anxious. I've been asked if it's excessive or extreme worry or stress, but no, it's not. It's anxiety, it's very different. Right now, I'm feeling particularly anxious. When I say this to a person without anxiety, they assume I'm feeling worried or stressed, which isn't the case. I feel like there's something massive weighing my chest down. I'm making a conscious effort to breathe, because if I don't, I will forget to do so. I feel as if a snake is making its way up my throat, trying to twist my oesophagus while its head rests on the back of my tongue. My head is spinning. It goes from one thought to the next and back again in a couple of seconds. My mind is transfixed on one thing that I'm anxious on, and I know that anxiety is making me think it's worse than it is. (Or is it? I don't know.) My senses are heightened. Every noise is irratating, and I can feel things through just a bru
2 comments
Read more