The photo I have attached to this blog is what I'm afraid of reverting back to. Nothing particularly major was happening to make me feel that way, but I felt as if I was falling apart.
I was so anxious. I was so frightened.
But, honestly, I can't remember why I was feeling that way. Maybe it's a lesson that the things I worry about aren't that important. Or maybe it was just my anxiety acting up.
It's a place I don't want to fall back into. To feel that way is awful. I remember mentally begging for help and just wanting to go home. I was only sitting in class. No exams were happening, no one was angry, I was perfectly safe.
But I felt in immediate danger, evidently.
To so irrationaly break down is something that terrifies me, and this fear is heightened by the fact I've done so many times before. It's not always easy to crawl back into reality.
I worry about this often, which is obviously counterproductive. So why do it, you ask?
I simply can't help it. I can push it to the back off my mind after giving myself some positive affirmations, but I find it difficult to reason with myself over the topic of breaking down.
Breaking down consumes your life. It eats up your thoughts and clouds your brain. It can devour days, months or years of your life. It took over a year of mine, and I panic when my anxiety peaks. It feels like breaking down again, and panicking just adds to it.
I'd like to believe I can cope better now. That I won't break down again. It took a long time to get out of a total breakdown.
You may ask for advice about a breakdown, but everyone is so different, in personality and situation. The one solution is to keep going, even though it's ridiculously hard.
Because it's worth it.
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