justaoifethings

Dear Becky, To be honest, I can understand where you're coming from on this one, but you're being over dramatic. This was such an exciting thing and I had no hesitation in being a part of it. I know I didn't realise at the time that she would be there, but it's ok. That was a long time ago, and it was always her decision to not speak to you. She avoids eye contact, let alone talks to you. She won't talk to you while you're there and can't hurt you because other people will be there. Don't let her ruin something that's so exciting. I don't have to talk to her. I doubt she'll show up half of the time. You do your job and be the best you can be. It'll be like there's a soft shadow in the background, but that's ok. She's not scary. She's not going to hurt you. She's not going to talk to you. She won't show up after a few times, I'm guessing. So I get your worry initially, Becky, but calm down. You see now that y...

One of the very few poems I've ever written. I hope you enjoy! I will write a more 'normal' post tomorrow, that isn't a piece of fiction I have written, in case you dislike this kind of thing Does he look over us As we slip away? Waiting to take our hand, he watches Despising the fear he brings The party engulfed in depression No voice can emerge from his lungs A soul reborn, they meet him Seemingly a friendly face Away, he takes them, from family and friends Deep into the unknown

I have a lot of peculiar dreams. I don't remember them often, but when I do, they're weird. Really weird. They often make no sense, so I've decided to face the challenge of writing it down in such a way it will make sense. If you enjoy it, you can let me know in the comments, twitter or Facebook! If not, I'll most likely write another if I enjoy writing this one. I was so excited. I was running up a rather magnificent set of stairs, with a group of friends I don't recall, most likely because they don't exist. "I can't wait to see this!" I gushed. "I wonder how they made this into a film? I heard the game had over two hundred endings." I was talking about the game Until Dawn, which, in my dream had obviously been adapted into a film. Then we got up the stairs, and we mindlessly walked whilst still bursting with excitement, and then we walked in front of glass panes and the nightmare ensued. There were all the characters, flailing, ...

What have we become as a society? A nineteen year old has just come to the world, sobbing about what social media has done to her. She stopped eating. She based her self worth on likes and followers. She looked up supermodels sizes, and compared them to her own. Maybe, it might not be social medias fault, some may think. Maybe it was a form of an eating disorder that got out of hand. But if it was an eating disorder, why did this young teenager gain so many followers? Because we, as a society, see the ill as beautiful. We romanticise mental disorders, whether it be depression, or anxiety, or an eating disorder. She was and maybe still is very sick. But when I first saw her, without any context, I thought Wow. She is beautiful. Her body is perfect. I wish I looked like her. We, as a society, are conditioned to think this. I know some people are naturally slim and slight. But supermodels, Instagram models, most are sick. I am naturally slim and slight, but I don't have supermod...

The photo I have attached to this blog is what I'm afraid of reverting back to. Nothing particularly major was happening to make me feel that way, but I felt as if I was falling apart. I was so anxious. I was so frightened. But, honestly, I can't remember why I was feeling that way. Maybe it's a lesson that the things I worry about aren't that important. Or maybe it was just my anxiety acting up. It's a place I don't want to fall back into. To feel that way is awful. I remember mentally begging for help and just wanting to go home. I was only sitting in class. No exams were happening, no one was angry, I was perfectly safe. But I felt in immediate danger, evidently. To so irrationaly break down is something that terrifies me, and this fear is heightened by the fact I've done so many times before. It's not always easy to crawl back into reality. I worry about this often, which is obviously counterproductive. So why do it, you ask? I simply can'...

I have pigeon chest. Pigeon chest is when your sternum protrudes, instead on laying inside your chest. It can lead to connective tissue diseases, but luckily, I don't have that. The only side effects I have from it is that I find it hard to exercise, and it's alters my appearance. My chest seems puffed out and bony. Some bones are clearly visible and easy to touch and count. I have been rather conscious about this for a long time, and have been too afraid to wear something that shows my chest. I am rather thin, and I get comments on it, but my chest isn't a result of this. I'm afraid people will link the two and come up with the wrong conclusion. It makes me feel like I have an immature body. That my body isn't womanly or feminine, but childish. Over time, I kind of accepted it. I pushed it to the back of my head. Then, just very recently, I found out it was possible to lessen the visual effects of pigeon chest with a brace. You wear a brace at night, and it encou...

It was my boyfriends eighteenth birthday yesterday. I couldn't be there. My package for him didn't even arrive on time. It's a gut wrenching feeling, missing out on such important events. I'm only ever behind a screen for him. A feeling of helplessness engulfs you. You can't celebrate an important day in his life, not properly, anyway. The little piece of me I sent didn't even get there yet, which is incredibly infuriating. He doesn't care for celebrating birthdays much, and nor do I, but not even being able to give him a hug on a significant day hurts. I know we've been apart for birthdays before. I know I'm going to miss his graduation, which kills me. I'll still be in school by that time, due to how our final exams work out, but I'll miss a celebration that won't come again. There's so many articles on how to cope with LDRs. Send them this, send them that, do this, say that. But when you miss important milestones in your lo...