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Dear Becky

Dear Becky;
A new series I intend to continue. Becky is a big part of my life. Becky is my anxiety. If you have read my previous blog posts, you will know that naming my anxiety has given me great control and power, but Becky is still alive and can be strong.
I find great comfort in writing things down. It helps me to think rationally, something Becky fights hard to prevent.
Dear Becky will be my writing to Becky, to counteract the anxiety that she's called me. I will write to see what is real and what is Becky fuelled.
Will you find it interesting?
Maybe not. Unless you're interested in a mind corrupted with anxiety.
I know my mental health is the most important thing, and if it helps me cope with life, then that's amazing. If someone reads this, and learns how to deal with their own mental illness or learns how to understand someone in their life with a mental illness, then even better.

Dear Becky,
You were strong today. I don't know why. But I didn't let you take over completely, and I have a right to be proud of that. I did things today that scared me, and I have a right to be proud of that.
No one is mad at me, because I did not do anything out of malicious intent. I did not aggravate anyone. They are not mad at me.
You will talk to that teacher tomorrow, and it will be ok. He will appreciate you for finding him. It will calm you down for his future lessons. His methods are different than you're used to, but that's ok. If it really doesn't suit you, you can continue to do your own study. Even though you're frustrated at the exams he intends to give, you know it's not the end of the world. You're ahead in the study, so it's merely a recap, and that's fine, and it could benefit your study, so you'll definitely know everything. It won't take you long to learn, as it never does. You can do it at the weekends, and spend not even twenty minutes a morning on it, so what are you worrying about?
Nothing, Becky.
And that essay that's been niggling at you? You did countless essays of the same nature last year, and you were fine. You will have a start on Friday morning for forty minutes, and will probably get at least a page done, possibly a page and a half, maybe more! You know what, maybe more. You might get nearly half of it done. It's no bother to you, you know what you're doing, and so there's nothing to worry about.
Even though I get anxious sometimes, it doesn't mean I'm going to fail. I'm going to succeed because I'm working to.
Having anxiety is ok. But I'm not letting you take over me, because I'm capable of so much, and it'd be a shame for you to hold me back.
Until next time,
Aoife

https://m.facebook.com/justaoifethings

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