Unusual Coping Method

If you've read recent blog posts, you'll know I've recently finished my Leaving Cert (hence the erratic upload schedule).
During it, I was surprising calm, and only cried over two exams.
History failed me, unfortunately.
But, I couldn't understand why I was so calm. Why wasn't Becky rearing her ugly head?

When I thought about it, I realised something strange.
All the exams I had done were a blur. I felt like I hadn't even done them. When I came out of an exam and was asked a question about the paper, I blanked. I just didn't remember.
I was forgetting a lot of things in day to day life, and feeling numb.
That's when I realised what I was doing, I wasn't being present.

Feeling as if you're not present is a major symptom of anxiety, so I suppose it has become an unintentional coping method for me. I'd look in the mirror and think,
Wow, I'm actually that person. That reflection is me!

It's really hard to explain what this feeling is like to someone who has not experienced it. It's like an out of body experience. It's feeling like a ghost, just floating around and minding your own business, but then realising that you're actually alive and you own your body.

Even though it was helpful for coping with the Leaving Cert, it isn't always helpful. I was oblivious to the stress and worries both my mother and boyfriend were going through at the time, because I just wasn't there. If I get anxious about something I'm excited about (it happens more often than not), I revert to this coping method and lose out on things I'm excited about.

I've felt like a ghost for years, and I think I'm finally ready to put my feet on the ground and live my life.

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Have you experienced this? All comments are welcome but asked to be respectful. I'm currently not in Ireland so my upload schedule is a bit crazy.
Also, I got accepted into DARE due to my GAD, woo :3
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Dear Becky 3

Dear Becky, To be honest, I can understand where you're coming from on this one, but you're being over dramatic. This was such an exciting thing and I had no hesitation in being a part of it. I know I didn't realise at the time that she would be there, but it's ok. That was a long time ago, and it was always her decision to not speak to you. She avoids eye contact, let alone talks to you. She won't talk to you while you're there and can't hurt you because other people will be there. Don't let her ruin something that's so exciting. I don't have to talk to her. I doubt she'll show up half of the time. You do your job and be the best you can be. It'll be like there's a soft shadow in the background, but that's ok. She's not scary. She's not going to hurt you. She's not going to talk to you. She won't show up after a few times, I'm guessing. So I get your worry initially, Becky, but calm down. You see now that y...

The World Right Now

I know this blog is usually a mental health blog, but that was unintentional. I have some mental health posts lined up, as it is a topic I of course really care about (I spoke at a Congress for Cycle Against Suicide the other week), but I am living on the same earth as you are, and I want to address the elephant in the room. Since Donald Trump has been elected, the atmosphere of the world has changed. People are living in fear. I will keep this short and sweet, because this is all rather simple. Torture is not ok. Trying to ban people from coming into a country just because they come from Muslim countries is not ok (deny it all you want, Donald, it's obvious what you're at). Taking away Planned Parenthood which not only provides abortions, but cancer screenings, is not ok (do not argue that you are pro-life with me when you do nothing but campaign for unborn fetuses', support people who said that unwanted pregnancies are all a woman's fault, disregard women's li...

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