Unusual Coping Method

If you've read recent blog posts, you'll know I've recently finished my Leaving Cert (hence the erratic upload schedule).
During it, I was surprising calm, and only cried over two exams.
History failed me, unfortunately.
But, I couldn't understand why I was so calm. Why wasn't Becky rearing her ugly head?

When I thought about it, I realised something strange.
All the exams I had done were a blur. I felt like I hadn't even done them. When I came out of an exam and was asked a question about the paper, I blanked. I just didn't remember.
I was forgetting a lot of things in day to day life, and feeling numb.
That's when I realised what I was doing, I wasn't being present.

Feeling as if you're not present is a major symptom of anxiety, so I suppose it has become an unintentional coping method for me. I'd look in the mirror and think,
Wow, I'm actually that person. That reflection is me!

It's really hard to explain what this feeling is like to someone who has not experienced it. It's like an out of body experience. It's feeling like a ghost, just floating around and minding your own business, but then realising that you're actually alive and you own your body.

Even though it was helpful for coping with the Leaving Cert, it isn't always helpful. I was oblivious to the stress and worries both my mother and boyfriend were going through at the time, because I just wasn't there. If I get anxious about something I'm excited about (it happens more often than not), I revert to this coping method and lose out on things I'm excited about.

I've felt like a ghost for years, and I think I'm finally ready to put my feet on the ground and live my life.

~~~~
Have you experienced this? All comments are welcome but asked to be respectful. I'm currently not in Ireland so my upload schedule is a bit crazy.
Also, I got accepted into DARE due to my GAD, woo :3
Social media:
Facebook: justaoifethings
Twitter: @justaoifethings
Instagram: @justaoifethings

Medication

I have always been the one who advocates for medication for mental health and its usefullness, but what happens when your medication doesn't work for you anymore? That is what had been happening to me recently (hence the complete lack of a schedule on this blog). I had been dealing with it until a point, until depression hit me hard, and for more than a couple of days this time. I had avoided going to the doctor because I didn't want to go back to switching between medications all the time, incase they made everything worse. When I was eventually forced to go, only my contraceptive pill was changed, at first. The doctor told me that she never would take me off my medcation, and for that, I was relieved. So many people ask when I'm coming off it, or are surprised when I'm still on it. People don't seem to realise that disorders and illnesses don't just go away (I wish they did, though). As I changed contraceptive pill, the low feeling of depression went away, b...

Feeling Anxious

Having anxiety, I regularly tend to feel anxious. I've been asked if it's excessive or extreme worry or stress, but no, it's not. It's anxiety, it's very different. Right now, I'm feeling particularly anxious. When I say this to a person without anxiety, they assume I'm feeling worried or stressed, which isn't the case. I feel like there's something massive weighing my chest down. I'm making a conscious effort to breathe, because if I don't, I will forget to do so. I feel as if a snake is making its way up my throat, trying to twist my oesophagus while its head rests on the back of my tongue. My head is spinning. It goes from one thought to the next and back again in a couple of seconds. My mind is transfixed on one thing that I'm anxious on, and I know that anxiety is making me think it's worse than it is. (Or is it? I don't know.) My senses are heightened. Every noise is irratating, and I can feel things through just a bru...

justaoifethings

Search This Blog