Skip to main content

Unusual Coping Method

If you've read recent blog posts, you'll know I've recently finished my Leaving Cert (hence the erratic upload schedule).
During it, I was surprising calm, and only cried over two exams.
History failed me, unfortunately.
But, I couldn't understand why I was so calm. Why wasn't Becky rearing her ugly head?

When I thought about it, I realised something strange.
All the exams I had done were a blur. I felt like I hadn't even done them. When I came out of an exam and was asked a question about the paper, I blanked. I just didn't remember.
I was forgetting a lot of things in day to day life, and feeling numb.
That's when I realised what I was doing, I wasn't being present.

Feeling as if you're not present is a major symptom of anxiety, so I suppose it has become an unintentional coping method for me. I'd look in the mirror and think,
Wow, I'm actually that person. That reflection is me!

It's really hard to explain what this feeling is like to someone who has not experienced it. It's like an out of body experience. It's feeling like a ghost, just floating around and minding your own business, but then realising that you're actually alive and you own your body.

Even though it was helpful for coping with the Leaving Cert, it isn't always helpful. I was oblivious to the stress and worries both my mother and boyfriend were going through at the time, because I just wasn't there. If I get anxious about something I'm excited about (it happens more often than not), I revert to this coping method and lose out on things I'm excited about.

I've felt like a ghost for years, and I think I'm finally ready to put my feet on the ground and live my life.

~~~~
Have you experienced this? All comments are welcome but asked to be respectful. I'm currently not in Ireland so my upload schedule is a bit crazy.
Also, I got accepted into DARE due to my GAD, woo :3
Social media:
Facebook: justaoifethings
Twitter: @justaoifethings
Instagram: @justaoifethings

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cycle Against Suicide

An organisation set up by Jim Breen, where thousands of people cycle through Ireland every year, to break the cycle of suicide. Cleverly placed pun. Today, the lovely Mr Breen came to my school and talked to all seven hundred plus of us. In the back, wearing a disgustingly bright orange shirt in support (and feeling decidedly Dutch), I was struggling not to cry. Not that he was being morbid. He didn't delve into details of his depression, or any gruesome details of suicide. He spoke in such a way that was amazing. He spoke to us in a way that reached all levels of understanding in relation to mental health. He was able to educate those who have never experienced a mental monster, without boring them, or frightening them off the topic. Though, even with such sensitivity, he was able to touch those who had suffered mental illness. It was like a little nod to us. We knew we were understood, that he understood. For me, that is always extremely emotional. For someone to understa...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dear Becky

Dear Becky; A new series I intend to continue. Becky is a big part of my life. Becky is my anxiety. If you have read my previous blog posts, you will know that naming my anxiety has given me great control and power, but Becky is still alive and can be strong. I find great comfort in writing things down. It helps me to think rationally, something Becky fights hard to prevent. Dear Becky will be my writing to Becky, to counteract the anxiety that she's called me. I will write to see what is real and what is Becky fuelled. Will you find it interesting? Maybe not. Unless you're interested in a mind corrupted with anxiety. I know my mental health is the most important thing, and if it helps me cope with life, then that's amazing. If someone reads this, and learns how to deal with their own mental illness or learns how to understand someone in their life with a mental illness, then even better. Dear Becky, You were strong today. I don't know why. But I didn't let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Friends and Mental Health

No, life is not like a novel. Unfortunately. So one person will not come and understand all your woes and make life better.  It's unfair to expect so much out of one person. One person cannot be perfect. One person cannot understand everything you're going through, even if they have the same mental illness as you, no matter how much they'd like to. I've met multitudes of people with anxiety and depression. Some of us understand eachother and get along, and some of us just don't. And that's fine. You cannot expect one person to fulfill your needs as a human. I'm not telling you that you need a million friends or have to be a social butterfly. Just a few, so you don't rely on one person. There's something about life today that makes us forget that others are humans, with emotions and needs. I learned the hard way that you cannot impose all your problems on one person. People tend to be kind and cautious when you're going through a tough time,...
Post a Comment
Read more