Skip to main content

School Anxiety

School hasn't started yet, but it's already killing me.
I have GAD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder. This means I have a constant inability to relax and my anxious triggers don't fall into one of the five common disorders (social anxiety, ptsd, etc). One of the biggest problems my anxiety deals with is school.
I missed over three months of school at one stage due to chronic anxiety and didn't complete the first state exam Irish students have, the Junior Cert.
Last year, I missed three weeks, obviously significantly better than three months, but I suffered terribly with panic attacks.
After three months of summer holidays and living like a normal person, I'm about to enter the last year of secondary school, the most stressful of all.
Due to anxiety, I have already begun to study for my final exams (known as the Leaving Cert.) and completed a project months ago that most people have barely looked at.
I start again on Tuesday and I have been feeling sick and exhausted, and fighting a panic attack.
I try to tell myself that I can go into school this year, and breathe.
I have learned a lot about dealing with my anxiety in the past two years, and I can put all I've learned into making the last year of secondary school as smooth, enjoyable and successful as possible.
And even though I know this, a ball of anxiety sits in my stomach. Ironically, I'm anxious about being anxious.
I'm afraid I'll over think things, and panic like I used to. I'm afraid of not getting what I want to achieve in my grades. I'm afraid of disappointing my teachers. I'm afraid I'll be a burden and annoyance to my friends because I do work at lunch and get to classes early to keep my anxiety at bay. I'm afraid of having bad days. I'm afraid of having a panic attack. I'm afraid of being ill and exhausted all year round again due to anxiety.
I know my anxiety is chronic, so I know other people might not be as consumed with anxiety over school as I am.
But school is what I'm afraid of.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cycle Against Suicide

An organisation set up by Jim Breen, where thousands of people cycle through Ireland every year, to break the cycle of suicide. Cleverly placed pun. Today, the lovely Mr Breen came to my school and talked to all seven hundred plus of us. In the back, wearing a disgustingly bright orange shirt in support (and feeling decidedly Dutch), I was struggling not to cry. Not that he was being morbid. He didn't delve into details of his depression, or any gruesome details of suicide. He spoke in such a way that was amazing. He spoke to us in a way that reached all levels of understanding in relation to mental health. He was able to educate those who have never experienced a mental monster, without boring them, or frightening them off the topic. Though, even with such sensitivity, he was able to touch those who had suffered mental illness. It was like a little nod to us. We knew we were understood, that he understood. For me, that is always extremely emotional. For someone to understa...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Birds of 1916

Birds flew high over Dublin City When the first shot was fired Startled, they watched As the famous street descended into chaos Roars were thrown Screams struggled to stay in Tears drowned But nothing stopped Men from two sides If they could even yet be called men Attacked eachother And the birds could not figure out why A hundred years later The blood had long been gone from the famous street And something was different in the air ~ It's almost the centenary of the 1916 Easter Rising! We remember the men and women who fought for Ireland to be a free and democratic nation, those that died in the fight and those who were executed after to set the pathway for a new nation. I felt the best way I could commemorate this was to do what I know best; to write Hope you enjoyed! I write a new blog every Wednesday Facebook: justaoifethings Twitter: @justaoifethings Instagram: @justaoifethings
Post a Comment
Read more

Friends and Mental Health

No, life is not like a novel. Unfortunately. So one person will not come and understand all your woes and make life better.  It's unfair to expect so much out of one person. One person cannot be perfect. One person cannot understand everything you're going through, even if they have the same mental illness as you, no matter how much they'd like to. I've met multitudes of people with anxiety and depression. Some of us understand eachother and get along, and some of us just don't. And that's fine. You cannot expect one person to fulfill your needs as a human. I'm not telling you that you need a million friends or have to be a social butterfly. Just a few, so you don't rely on one person. There's something about life today that makes us forget that others are humans, with emotions and needs. I learned the hard way that you cannot impose all your problems on one person. People tend to be kind and cautious when you're going through a tough time,...
Post a Comment
Read more