Skip to main content

School Anxiety

School hasn't started yet, but it's already killing me.
I have GAD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder. This means I have a constant inability to relax and my anxious triggers don't fall into one of the five common disorders (social anxiety, ptsd, etc). One of the biggest problems my anxiety deals with is school.
I missed over three months of school at one stage due to chronic anxiety and didn't complete the first state exam Irish students have, the Junior Cert.
Last year, I missed three weeks, obviously significantly better than three months, but I suffered terribly with panic attacks.
After three months of summer holidays and living like a normal person, I'm about to enter the last year of secondary school, the most stressful of all.
Due to anxiety, I have already begun to study for my final exams (known as the Leaving Cert.) and completed a project months ago that most people have barely looked at.
I start again on Tuesday and I have been feeling sick and exhausted, and fighting a panic attack.
I try to tell myself that I can go into school this year, and breathe.
I have learned a lot about dealing with my anxiety in the past two years, and I can put all I've learned into making the last year of secondary school as smooth, enjoyable and successful as possible.
And even though I know this, a ball of anxiety sits in my stomach. Ironically, I'm anxious about being anxious.
I'm afraid I'll over think things, and panic like I used to. I'm afraid of not getting what I want to achieve in my grades. I'm afraid of disappointing my teachers. I'm afraid I'll be a burden and annoyance to my friends because I do work at lunch and get to classes early to keep my anxiety at bay. I'm afraid of having bad days. I'm afraid of having a panic attack. I'm afraid of being ill and exhausted all year round again due to anxiety.
I know my anxiety is chronic, so I know other people might not be as consumed with anxiety over school as I am.
But school is what I'm afraid of.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Becky

Dear Becky; A new series I intend to continue. Becky is a big part of my life. Becky is my anxiety. If you have read my previous blog posts, you will know that naming my anxiety has given me great control and power, but Becky is still alive and can be strong. I find great comfort in writing things down. It helps me to think rationally, something Becky fights hard to prevent. Dear Becky will be my writing to Becky, to counteract the anxiety that she's called me. I will write to see what is real and what is Becky fuelled. Will you find it interesting? Maybe not. Unless you're interested in a mind corrupted with anxiety. I know my mental health is the most important thing, and if it helps me cope with life, then that's amazing. If someone reads this, and learns how to deal with their own mental illness or learns how to understand someone in their life with a mental illness, then even better. Dear Becky, You were strong today. I don't know why. But I didn't let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

#WeStandWithZoe

Media, you've done it again. An article was released about a seemingly scandalous photo from the well known Youtuber, Zoe Sugg, also known as Zoella. Zoe really needs no introduction. With a mass following around the world, she has a whopping 10 million YouTube subscribers (and counting), a successful blog, a gorgeous beauty range, two best selling books, has worked with charities and has brought awareness to anxiety disorders. Of course, this level of success means that Zoe is in the limelight. Like anyone who is popular in a social career, she's under the scrutiny of the media. Seen below is a photo Zoe uploaded on her snapchat, and, oh gasp, a tiny peek of underwear. Of course, this article is released, seemingly trying to shame Zoe for being 'revealing'. Don't get me wrong, if Zoe wanted to put herself naked on the internet, I wouldn't care. But, she is obviously trying to be shamed, and just because she's a woman. With tabloid story after tabloid...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cycle Against Suicide

An organisation set up by Jim Breen, where thousands of people cycle through Ireland every year, to break the cycle of suicide. Cleverly placed pun. Today, the lovely Mr Breen came to my school and talked to all seven hundred plus of us. In the back, wearing a disgustingly bright orange shirt in support (and feeling decidedly Dutch), I was struggling not to cry. Not that he was being morbid. He didn't delve into details of his depression, or any gruesome details of suicide. He spoke in such a way that was amazing. He spoke to us in a way that reached all levels of understanding in relation to mental health. He was able to educate those who have never experienced a mental monster, without boring them, or frightening them off the topic. Though, even with such sensitivity, he was able to touch those who had suffered mental illness. It was like a little nod to us. We knew we were understood, that he understood. For me, that is always extremely emotional. For someone to understa...
Post a Comment
Read more