I feel consistently happy for the first time since... ever. I don't remember ever being consistently happy.
I thought this time in my life would be awful. I'm in my final year of school, and I thought the pressures of looming exams would anger my anxiety.
But it's not.
This is also the first time in a long time that I've been consistently calm.
I don't know what I did. I don't know what's different. I'm confused as to why I'm so happy and calm. I'm presuming I'm happy because I'm not anxious all the time. My anxiety has numbed greatly, having only had one panic attack in the past few months. I have no idea what caused that either. I wonder if it's because the life I've been planning for is just around the corner.
I don't know why, but things got better.
I suppose that is always the way of mental illness, if you give it time.
An organisation set up by Jim Breen, where thousands of people cycle through Ireland every year, to break the cycle of suicide. Cleverly placed pun. Today, the lovely Mr Breen came to my school and talked to all seven hundred plus of us. In the back, wearing a disgustingly bright orange shirt in support (and feeling decidedly Dutch), I was struggling not to cry. Not that he was being morbid. He didn't delve into details of his depression, or any gruesome details of suicide. He spoke in such a way that was amazing. He spoke to us in a way that reached all levels of understanding in relation to mental health. He was able to educate those who have never experienced a mental monster, without boring them, or frightening them off the topic. Though, even with such sensitivity, he was able to touch those who had suffered mental illness. It was like a little nod to us. We knew we were understood, that he understood. For me, that is always extremely emotional. For someone to understa...
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