I feel consistently happy for the first time since... ever. I don't remember ever being consistently happy.
I thought this time in my life would be awful. I'm in my final year of school, and I thought the pressures of looming exams would anger my anxiety.
But it's not.
This is also the first time in a long time that I've been consistently calm.
I don't know what I did. I don't know what's different. I'm confused as to why I'm so happy and calm. I'm presuming I'm happy because I'm not anxious all the time. My anxiety has numbed greatly, having only had one panic attack in the past few months. I have no idea what caused that either. I wonder if it's because the life I've been planning for is just around the corner.
I don't know why, but things got better.
I suppose that is always the way of mental illness, if you give it time.
Dear Becky; A new series I intend to continue. Becky is a big part of my life. Becky is my anxiety. If you have read my previous blog posts, you will know that naming my anxiety has given me great control and power, but Becky is still alive and can be strong. I find great comfort in writing things down. It helps me to think rationally, something Becky fights hard to prevent. Dear Becky will be my writing to Becky, to counteract the anxiety that she's called me. I will write to see what is real and what is Becky fuelled. Will you find it interesting? Maybe not. Unless you're interested in a mind corrupted with anxiety. I know my mental health is the most important thing, and if it helps me cope with life, then that's amazing. If someone reads this, and learns how to deal with their own mental illness or learns how to understand someone in their life with a mental illness, then even better. Dear Becky, You were strong today. I don't know why. But I didn't let ...
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