Stigma

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with someone we'll call Lauren. She found out about my blog and asked me what I wrote about.
Mental health, mostly, I told her.
Isn't that morbid?, she asked.
And then I was fascinated. Because I was expected to keep the suffering I had gone through to myself, because it was, and I quote, morbid.
I understand that people can be triggered by certain things, but it wasn't as if she had even read the blog before, and she had no clue how I approached it.
Lauren asked me, cringing, was it not attention seeking.
Not at all, I told her. If you're happy about something, you would put it online. If someone else is happy about something and post it online, that's ok too. Why is that not attention seeking? Everything we put online is attention seeking in a way. Changing your profile picture on facebook is attention seeking, right? You want likes and it's how you want people to perceive you. So if that's ok, so is putting your feelings online, positive or negative.
Then she asked me about depression.
It depends. Some of it is all chemical, and some people have depression occur because of an event in their lives, like I did.
Why don't people just exercise?, asked Lauren. That releases endorphins.
When I was depressed, doctors told me to exercise, but getting out of bed in the morning was a struggle. I didn't want to exercise. I didn't want to do anything. If you're sitting at home with the flu and feeling miserable, will I tell you to exercise for endorphins?
No. Because you're sick. And I too was sick.
How do people even cut? She said she'd be too much of a 'pussy'.
It's a release. You're taking away from mental pain, and that mental pain is so strong, it doesn't take bravery to cut, but bravery not to cut.
I don't understand, she told me. She'd never experienced mental illness before.
So then I told her that she was so lucky, because I wouldn't wish mental illness upon my worst enemy.
So then we went to class, and I hoped it had educated someone who was so unbelievably ignorant. In Ireland, 1 in 5 of us will suffer from mental illness which is a huge amount. Yet, as we are faced with an epidemic, the general public are filled with prejudice and stigma, as shown by Lauren.
And I really don't know why.

But I'm done with censoring my feelings. I live with a mental disorder and I've been mentally ill. I'm allowed to speak about my experiences and to express how I feel. I'm allowed to speak out. I'm allowed to vent. I'm allowed to help. You're so lucky if you don't understand what people like me have gone through. But if someone had cancer, you wouldn't shun them for having an off day. You wouldn't blame them for ranting about how they feel. You wouldn't blame them for being sick. And you should treat mentally people just the same. You might have never had cancer, but people tend to be more understanding towards that. Being Mentally ill is still an illness and no one would wish it upon their worst enemy, if they've experienced it.
I'm sick of hiding. I'm sick of being afraid. I'm aoife, and I've had depression. I have anxiety. I struggle with eating, weight and body image. But that's not all I am and it's ok to have these things. Even though this is not all I am, I will speak out, before it consumes someone else whole.

Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.
- Josephine Hart