Emotional Abuse

I am one of the 75% of abuse victims that has no physical marks to prove it. I have been subject to emotional and mental abuse.
I didn't know for a long time. Growing up, I thought it was normal. Though, today, I want to talk about the aftermath of emotional abuse, rather than my personal details.
The aftermath leaves a broken person, even if we don't realise it. Abuse changes a person from the inside out. It changes fundamentally who you are. When I was very young, I was an outspoken, extroverted child. Then, due to abuse, I grew into an anxious, self depreciating child.
Sometimes when you say emotional or mental abuse, people brush it off.
"He didn't hit you?"
"Well.. no.."
"Then what could be have done that was so bad?"
And that's a hard question to answer, after. You surpress memories, fuzz out details.
The aftermath is greatly learning to come to terms with what happened. To learn to accept yourself. To accept that, yes, you are an abuse victim, but no, that doesn't lessen your value as a person.
It's about learning to love yourself and learning that you deserve love. But it's also so, so, important that you learn what real relationships are, if you are accustomed to an abusive one. It's important to protect yourself and not to allow yourself to fall into another abusive relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, or family related.
It's crucial that you deal with your abuse in your head, and counselling is always a good option, even if you then decide after a few sessions that you dislike therapy. Personally, I was in therapy for anxiety and depression, and the abuse surfaced once in a while. When I left, I dealt with a lot of it on my own, which I was able to do, but I know my brother is failing to do it now. I would hate for anyone to feel how my brother does now. He is ridiculously angry. He is so afraid of having anyone controlling his life in any manner, he gets rather aggressive at anyone who tries to help, namely my mother. I know if he was on the outside looking in, he'd be disgusted by his behaviour.
He won't forgive. He just won't forgive, and because of that, his past, our past, of abuse, is eating him up inside, years later.
I understand his anger, because I used to feel that way too. But I didn't push myself away from everyone, I didn't leave education, I didn't become whatever he has become.
I'm not asking him to forget.
I am working towards fully forgiving, but I will never forget.
I will forgive, but I will never condone.
I will forgive because I need to move on.
I need to live my own life.
I am not my abuse.
Neither is he.
Neither are you.
If you are in any form of toxic relationship, talk to someone, or leave. Even though I've experienced it, I am no professional. But you are worth so much, so don't think that you deserve any abuse of any kind.
Stay safe. You deserve happiness.

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