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What I've learned

My boyfriend went home again a few days ago, but within our visit, I've learned a lot about myself.

1: Mental health does not take breaks
Becky was annoyingly present during his visit, and my eating issues crawled to the surface. I know I worried him, which frustrates me. He may tower over me and be three times as strong, but I always want to protect him.

2: He's the greatest drug
With all the medication I've ever taken, nothing can surpass the effect he has on me. I was worried about so much, but he always managed to calm me down. He shut up my mind and just hugged me when I cried. I become relaxed, comfortable and as close to confident as I can manage when he's here.

3: Anxiety makes me act in weird ways
I notice that I got snappy when I was anxious. I hate when people are like that, so I am disgusted that I did it, especially to him. I apologised and explained, of course. Even though I never wanted that to happen, at least now I know what Becky can do to me, and I can stop it before it happens.

4: LDRs still provide physical barriers
I've been with him now for over two years. Emotionally and mentally, we know each other inside out. Physically, we still have to get used to each other. I'm a morning person, and he's not used to that at all. He loves physical contact, but I'm both anxious and productive, so if I need to get something done, I'd rather do it first and then cuddle. His laid back attitude is one that I find both new and somewhat irritating at times.

5: He's always worth the wait
We're finally moving in together in June. I had to wait over four months for ten days with him, but it was worth every second. People ask me how do I know I love him when I'm not with him all the time. So I tell them it's because I'm prepared to wait for him.

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