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Dear Becky 5

If you're unaware of what this series is, see the first installment here.

Dear Becky,
I think it's you who I'm talking to. When it comes to my body, I'm not exactly sure.
I was so happy with my body for a long time, but I know it was because I lost a lot of weight. I wasn't able to gain any, so I was able to eat like a normal person.
My weight has finally settled, at a weight that's lighter than my original, but I'm panicking.
Is it you who is making me think I look fat? Is it you who is making me see my body in a distorted image? Is it you who's making me feel awful about myself?
Becky, do you make me not want to eat, to exercise excessively?
I know it's ridiculous, I don't need to write to you to know that. When I exercise outside of my usual routine, I'm internally yelling at myself the entire time.
But, when I eat, I wish I hadn't. I wish I could reverse half of what I've eaten today, and I'm dreading dinner.
What are you, Becky? I don't think you're manifesting into an eating disorder. This comes in bouts. I feel good for such a long time, and then I revert to whatever this is.
You're strange, Becky. I don't know why you do this to me, and I never like it.
But, Becky, you know that as always, you're fighting a loosing battle. Even though I may struggle sometimes, I will always win. I will make peace with my body, my mind and food.

~
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed ^-^ I write a new blog every week, so check back for more!
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