Skip to main content

Panic Attack 2

I couldn't breathe.
My chest jumped with forced half heaves, the air trying to scramble into my lungs, my lungs refusing.
I just couldn't goddamn breathe.
The tears flowed, I wasn't conscious of them for a while, until the fragile skin under my eyes started to sting with the sudden overdose of salt.
I couldn't breathe, but I could stand and wring my fingers through my hair, trying to explain why I was panicking to a concerned teacher through chaotic breathes, barely able to speak.
I couldn't breathe as I tried to smile at my newly found friends who looked at me both concerned and confused, unsure of what to do or say, whether to stay or go.
I couldn't breathe as I was so utterly dissapointed at the fact that I hadn't had a panic attack in school all year, but I was having the worst panic attack I'd ever had at that moment.

I couldn't fucking breathe because a teacher, a male over six foot, decided to completely lose the plot at me, telling me that I was going to fail my exams and have to repeat because I wasn't in class.
And why wasn't I in class? I was talking to my year head about my oral exam on Monday, and how the school could help me cope with my anxiety.
What type of teacher is that?

---
I write a new blog post every week. Though, some are heavy, like this one, I hope you find comfort if you experience the same or it helps you to understand your loved ones with mental illness.
Check back each week for a new blog post, and follow on social media for updates ^-^
Facebook: justaoifethings
Twitter: @justaoifethings
Instagram: @justaoifethings

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Medication

I have always been the one who advocates for medication for mental health and its usefullness, but what happens when your medication doesn't work for you anymore? That is what had been happening to me recently (hence the complete lack of a schedule on this blog). I had been dealing with it until a point, until depression hit me hard, and for more than a couple of days this time. I had avoided going to the doctor because I didn't want to go back to switching between medications all the time, incase they made everything worse. When I was eventually forced to go, only my contraceptive pill was changed, at first. The doctor told me that she never would take me off my medcation, and for that, I was relieved. So many people ask when I'm coming off it, or are surprised when I'm still on it. People don't seem to realise that disorders and illnesses don't just go away (I wish they did, though). As I changed contraceptive pill, the low feeling of depression went away, b...
Post a Comment
Read more

#WeStandWithZoe

Media, you've done it again. An article was released about a seemingly scandalous photo from the well known Youtuber, Zoe Sugg, also known as Zoella. Zoe really needs no introduction. With a mass following around the world, she has a whopping 10 million YouTube subscribers (and counting), a successful blog, a gorgeous beauty range, two best selling books, has worked with charities and has brought awareness to anxiety disorders. Of course, this level of success means that Zoe is in the limelight. Like anyone who is popular in a social career, she's under the scrutiny of the media. Seen below is a photo Zoe uploaded on her snapchat, and, oh gasp, a tiny peek of underwear. Of course, this article is released, seemingly trying to shame Zoe for being 'revealing'. Don't get me wrong, if Zoe wanted to put herself naked on the internet, I wouldn't care. But, she is obviously trying to be shamed, and just because she's a woman. With tabloid story after tabloid...
Post a Comment
Read more

Unusual Coping Method

If you've read recent blog posts, you'll know I've recently finished my Leaving Cert (hence the erratic upload schedule). During it, I was surprising calm, and only cried over two exams. History failed me, unfortunately. But, I couldn't understand why I was so calm. Why wasn't Becky rearing her ugly head? When I thought about it, I realised something strange. All the exams I had done were a blur. I felt like I hadn't even done them. When I came out of an exam and was asked a question about the paper, I blanked. I just didn't remember. I was forgetting a lot of things in day to day life, and feeling numb. That's when I realised what I was doing, I wasn't being present. Feeling as if you're not present is a major symptom of anxiety, so I suppose it has become an unintentional coping method for me. I'd look in the mirror and think, Wow, I'm actually that person. That reflection is me! It's really hard to explain what this feeli...
Post a Comment
Read more