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Deciding to Live

If you've ever read any of my blog posts, you will know that I suffer from a chronic anxiety disorder. I have struggled with everything from the major to minor in life, from education and friendship, to making appointments at the hairdressers. Aside from anxiety, depression can make it difficult to want to fight against everyday anxiety.
You will also know that I have recently done my final exams, and if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you know that I am now a student at a university in Dublin, studying Sociology, English Literature and German.
I entered college through a scheme called DARE (Disability Access Route to Education), and because of this, I had an early orientation week with other DARE applicants.

In secondary school, I was always the outsider. I had my nose in a book, hung around with either 'weird' people or on my own, or was having a panic attack. I took studying very seriously, far too seriously. If you're one of those people, know that grades aren't everything. I failed honours maths (I partially blame our awful maths syllabus), I still managed to get into a fantastic course. I was all study and no play, and I only went on two nights out during the five years of secondary school.
Going into the DARE orientation, I knew I didn't want this experience to be the same, So I've done something huge.




I've decided to live.
When I walked into that room, I felt liberated. A brand new set of people I'd never seen before. They had no preconceptions of me, none of these people had seen me huddled over, shaking with an attack. 
I decided that I was going to actually talk to these people, rather than hide in a corner and wait for people to approach me. For once, I was part of a group where I felt I actually belonged, rather than being an accessory or an unwanted necessity.
I decided that I was going to plunge into college life, to join societies,be a part of clubs and join the student union, instead of convincing myself that they'd simply get in the way of my studies.
I decided to socialise more, and to not be afraid of what people will think of me.
I've decided to seize all the help that is offered for me, because no one can survive on their own, and accepting help is a sign of strength (seriously).

In short, I've decided to live, and I'm very excited. Unfortunately due to the CAO and all HEIs being total idiots, I will be in a long distance relationship for at least another year (we'll talk about their complete incompetence another time). But with that, we've decided that we will visit eachother regularly, and support our academic dreams. We've decided to live life to the best that we can, no matter what challenges it throws at us.
Because, what else can you do, but live?


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How have you decided to live? All comments are welcome but asked to be respectful.
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