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Thoughts

Everything is boring. All I want to do is cry or sleep. Anxiety will come in strong waves, but then darker waves will take it out again. It's taken me a week to even pull this site up. I used to be able to write at least six hundred words a day for my novel in progress, but lately I've been struggling to get two hundred. Not much motivates me. Things that make me happy wash over my head.
Is this depression? Is it the fact that I'm exhausted, college is coming to an end and that exams are coming up? Will I be ok again when that's all over, or am I in a weird spiral again?
I know this blog tries to be helpful. I know that it tries to be positive, but sometimes it needs to be real. I was reminded of this when watching this video (TW eating disorders). It made me cry, but it also reminded me that I'm not alone in my experiences.
Right now, I'm spaced out. I don't know if what I'm writing is cohesive or makes sense, but it's my thought process right now, and that's valid, even if my brain is sick right now.
I like to make posts as professional and clean as I possibly can. This post is short, and messy, and weird. Is that ok? I hope so. Sometimes I think we forget that 'survivors' are still doing just that; surviving. We don't go back to normal, ever, I don't think, whatever normal is. I think something about being depressed, or anxious, or whatever always sticks with us. Not that that's bad or that it means we can't have a normal life. For the most part, I do. Kind of. That's also due to other personal circumstances, but maybe everyone is the same. Honestly, what is normal? Who doesn't have some dilemma in their lives all the time in the back of their mind? Who doesn't have problems? Who is never sad? Who never wants to die? Is there someone? Maybe. I don't know.
Would people who know me worry if they read this post? I don't know. I don't know how I present myself or how people think of me. People used to just see me as the quiet, weird one with some mental issues, but I don't know how it is now.
This is quite literally just a stream of thought. It shouldn't be a blog post, probably, but I'll make it one as my brain isn't letting me think of anything reasonable and rational to produce. That's not really ok, in a sense, but I'm not going to be mad at myself for being sick. It sucks, but it happens, and hopefully, will go again.



Sorry about the delay in posting this - Anxiety and depression are becoming difficult to deal with lately. Also uni keeps me so busy, and it's creeping up to exam time. I promise I'm doing my best though.
If you also feel spaced out, you should follow doddleoddle on snapchat - she talks about it and should be getting treatment soon.
Come say hi;
Twitter; @justaoifethings
Facebook; Justaoifethings
Instagram; Justaoifethings
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